saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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