It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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