For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
