I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
