I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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