Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
