he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
