Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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