i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
