Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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