i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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