The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
