Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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