My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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