The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
