woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
