So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize