You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
