It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize