In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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