I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize