1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
