you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
