she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
