at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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