I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
