Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
