And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
