so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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