Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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