soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize