I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
