I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
