I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
