Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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