And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
