take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
