You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
