oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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