someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
