he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
