Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
