Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
