you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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