the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
