Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
