My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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