girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
