dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
