He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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