Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
