Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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