i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
