no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
