shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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