Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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