if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
