My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
