it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
