We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize