You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
