First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
