the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
