I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
