pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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