Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
