I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize