i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
