Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
only you would photoshop your dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I FOUND THE LEGS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
