you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
