I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
