I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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