Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
