Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
