i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
