Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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