I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
