So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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