hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
