You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
