Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
