That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize