someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
