im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
