i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
