Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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