my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my shit smells like andre
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
