coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
