It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
