I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize