whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
