Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
