you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
