so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
